You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
