I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
