i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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