Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize