We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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