My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
