were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize