Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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