She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
