I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
