I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
