Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
