Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
