you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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