I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
