Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
