First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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