When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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