I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Someone signed my nipple.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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