my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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