i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
