you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
