We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
