Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
