Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
