The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
