I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
