And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
