just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
