You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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