He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
