i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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