so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize