I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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