How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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