just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
