I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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