i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
