so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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