I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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