you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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