I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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