ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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