do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
