who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
