is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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