Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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