dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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