We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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