Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
