Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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