the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
