I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
