There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
