she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
