Sry I called you an 8
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
