There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
