Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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