road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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