Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
