is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
