I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
