I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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