I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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