I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
