Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
