went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
