New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
