So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
