Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
