i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
