the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I believe in your delicious
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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