So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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