if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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