So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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