I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
