Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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