I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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