and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My balls are so social today.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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