I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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