people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
