I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
