She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
