We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
